Today’s guests have specialized in helping couples transform their relationships for over 30 years. Now married for 36 years, they bring both personal experience and clinical expertise to their clients through innovative programs and intensive workshops, where they have guided thousands of couples to build lives they love with the ones they love. They are co-founders of The Couples Institute in Silicon Valley, where they help entrepreneurial couples better understand and overcome the unique challenges of managing a business and marriage simultaneously and successfully. I'm excited to introduce you to Dr. Ellyn Bader and Dr. Peter Pearson!
The Notes
Ellyn and Pete share the same 3 reasons that marriages tend to fail.
- People choose not to learn from their mistakes.
- A failure to adapt to changing conditions (ie: having kids!).
- A failure to anticipate future problems and take corrective action.
Pete and Ellyn started their business when they had two of their four daughters.
- Molly did some work in the business after college which was not a good fit.
- She went off to do start her own business making jewelry.
- Later she circled back and is now doing marketing and copywriting for the business.
- Tammy is doing project management part-time for Ellyn and Pete.
Ellyn and Peter share 6 skills for building a strong entrepreneurial marriage: CANDOR.
All this does is applying a skill set from your business to your marriage.
C-Commitment: what is your commitment to each other and the business
A-Appreciation and acknowledgment
N-Negotiation skills
D-Decision making
O-Ownership and being accountable for what you say you’re going to do as well as being aware of your personal triggers
R-Roles and Responsibilities and getting clarity about both
Pete poses a challenge for couples and families.
- Every day for 14 consecutive days, say something to your partner or child that expresses how you love, value, appreciate, or respect your partner.
- Identifying your partner or child’s love language is a great way to intentionally love them.
- Setting aside special time for dates or one-on-one time with kids is also powerful.
Ellyn & Pete unpack the “N” of negotiating in CANDOR.
- The mistake lies in the event that one person pushes their own agenda too hard while the other fails to assert themselves.
- Pete explains the process they teach couples of negotiating.
- It starts with being curious and asking questions.
- Then you purpose a solution (an experiment) that addresses both partners’ concerns.
- Many couples struggle to even identify what they agree and disagree on.
Ellyn shares how you can work with the Couples Institute more.
- You can download the CANDOR Solution, available at couplesinstitute.com/familypreneur.
- You can do an initial consultation of 2-3 hours or a 2 day intensive at their office near San Francisco.
- They are also available to meet with couples via zoom for shorter sessions.
Meet Dr. Ellyn Bader & Dr. Peter Pearson
Today’s guests are Dr. Ellyn Bader (BAY-der) and Dr. Peter Pearson, who have specialized in helping couples transform their relationships for over 30 years. Ellyn and Pete are co-founders of The Couples Institute in Silicon Valley, where they help entrepreneurial couples better understand and overcome the unique challenges of managing a business and marriage simultaneously and successfully. Ellyn and Pete, now married for 36 years, bring both personal experience and clinical expertise to their clients through innovative programs and intensive workshops, where they have guided thousands of couples to build lives they love with the ones they love.